Dad's House

Living in San Diego, everything glows. Teeth whitening, ocean glares, pasty mid-westerners caught on winter vacation can blind an upstanding Californian without sunglasses. An Ohio December, though, isn't quite as bright, and the warm glow of a Christmas tree beckons a softer greeting.

Drowned out by the flash, it's just a normal tree behind the Christmas curtain.

We all have stockings bigger than our feet. That leaves plenty of room for snacks and grins, although causes Santa some confusion when we query for mortal sneakers.

Breathe, April! There's more. Don't worry.

Dad tears into some golf balls.

This is Renee's "oh, Lucas", face.

April has something sneaky planned.

There was an old woman who lived in a shoe. There also was Goldilocks, who tried all of the bears' socks until she found a pair just right. April is a fairy tale unto herself.

Kristen will sell you furniture.

Candice needs a Christmas break.

Careful, she bites.

Very few boys get a look this close before being swatted away. She has to beat them off with a stick.

Sisters for today. Friends for a while.

Big things come in small packages. She got a female elephant. Dad couldn't wrap the tusks.

Eau de toilette only literally translates to toilet water.

Now I can be red beard with bluetooth.

Some revealing evening wear for Ms. Price.

Renee was still waiting for the brushes to explode, or contain lead paint, or squirt water. How evil am I!? (pretty close, actually...)

Candice's new career path as a morning beverage. Tall drink of water, anyone?

Dad shows off the goods.

Little happy presents under the ornaments.

April gets a big bag of pampering.

Candice and April try to open my pliers. Pull!

Just what she wanted: boron.

I wonder how long it'll stay white.

Dad's new shirt. Moving up the corporate ladder requires the right attire.

Oh dear. She already had one.

What could be more fun than building your own dishrack? I thought it was cool.

Watch out, she's a chucker.

Some people turn to religion for guidance. Some turn to astrology. Now Kristen will "turn left in one quarter of a mile" to Tomtom.

A toasty comforter.

The fifth national bank of pig.

Kristen caught in her shot.

Candice does enjoy her whiskey paraphernalia. Although, after a few shots, it would just become whiskey stuff, and after a few more, the most attractive slab of metal in the room.

I don't see the resemblance. Mother AND daughter? No way.

A fun necklace.

No more Christmas! We're not that good! They'll find the bodies soon enough!