With Mom and Men

Mom spent most of Christmas day cooking up a storm. What precipitated from the kitchen caused our own mouths to water. Cookies. Ribs. Corned beef. It was a first-class feast.

The cookie fare.

Candice got something special from Jon. She wanted to share it with everyone.

A brand new golf club!

Candice took her new golf club for a few swings.

Yea, she needs to spend a little more time at the range before hitting the course.

April takes her hand at golf. She actually wasn't half bad.

Candice can now make slippers! Put your orders in.

Notice dramatic irony. Both Candice and Jon know full well that this is perhaps the best present ever contained in a tiny penguin package. I, unassuming, take a moment to relish my final moments before it is unveiled.

I honestly don't know what's inside.

CANDICE DID IT! She made the UNISLEEVE shirt! In research and development since summer, Candice's Sewing Skills Incredible (CSSI) have released a shirt that only has one sleeve joining from shoulder to shoulder.

I'm so happy.

Look! It's a shirt with only 1 sleeve! Oh the joys reliving sleeves far too long to be your own, because they are endless! Why does no one else get that this is the most amazing invention ever?

It's the most fun you've ever had in a sleeve. That's going to be trademarked.

Admire in its excellence.

It's the ultimate dance accessory.

Doubles as a scarf.

Appropriate hand holes enable quick access to hand things while not detracting from the one sleeveness of the shirt. This is truly revolutionary.

Triples as portable earmuffs.

Oh yea, I got Jon and Eric Nerf guns. They both enjoy hunting, so I got them weapons and things to hunt.

Can you tell from her expression that this isn't the right coat?

Tearing into goodies. Eric began assembling the assault rife.

"I have red hair too!"

Candice painted snakey. Sadly, snakey did not make it well to California...

April says "sweet" to excess to actually being sweet. If she was tea, you'd send her back because she'd be too sweet.

Cookie cutters of animals to hunt and then eat. Eric shot his first round into the cookie cutters. The madness that would ensue...

I feel like a Christmas mob boss with henchmen. These aren't minions. Both have spent enough time in the henches to warrant their titles.

April and Eric got a note for a present.

It was dance lessons...

...for both of them.

Best article of clothing ever.

After the presents made their down the suspensory slide of surprise, it was time for real fun. Eric drove down to the fire station to get his night vision goggles to go with the Nerf assault rifle.

The girls ran all of the animals upstairs to line them up arcade gallery style.

While the girls paced back and forth dodging the onslaught of foam mosquitoes they would throw back the ammo to keep their men entertained. That's when April got an idea to fight back...

...yes. She would TP her own house.

The animals were quite safe.

That's when the men took the fight up stairs. I couldn't follow for long (the press was restricted to demilitarized zones only), but after shrieks and screams a truce was called when the girls, cowering in the bathroom, returned melee combat with the toilet plunger. Even a seasoned Iraqi soldier would call it quits.

Counting bullets and re-rolling toilet paper. That's how you know your Christmas was a success.