Glamour Shots 2

It's that time again! Part 2 in our engrossing soon-to-be-annual collection of sibling glamor shots (see Gifted: Candice and April for the first edition). Where the latest in photographic elements focus hard on the sass and tribulations of growing up with the growing pains inherent in sibling form. Our returning contestants, Candice Lee of northeast Ohio and April Lee of northeast Ohio have... returned. Let's hear a round of applause for our hometown favorites.

OK. That's enough applause. It was supposed to be funnier to hear crickets chirping in an otherwise empty theater, but apparently there are true fans for this dynamic duo.

April lays down a few chords on her new air-piano while Candice makes a few opening statements. She'd first like to thank all of the people that made this possible: her sponsors, her great family, and viewers like you.

Paying tribute to glamor shots of old, a military flyby featuring attack fighters over the ages.

Next, the opening ceremonies included a skydive descent to patriotic music. The cluster of divers separated from the ring to disperse with parachutes, sparklers, and flags for all major nations. It was very moving.

Hold on to the moment... for just one more time.

April and I didn't smell it either.

Get down! Get down! They didn't realize that I was actually exclaiming to duck and cover as one of the military flyby planes nearly crashed into the gazebo. Fortunately, no one was hurt. The only property damage was to the series of moves they busted.

OK. Now April smelled it too.

The sun, she is blinding!

April takes the escalator down in front. There is entirely too much silliness at this altitude.

I think we found the source of the smell.

After three weeks of rehearsals, Candice hits the triple one-raised leg move. Just remember, you saw it here first. Let's hear it for her assistant, too.

I think April remembered where she left the nuclear ray gun. It had been missing since before I came back and no one knew where it was. In fact, I don't believe anyone even knew there was a nuclear ray gun missing. However, April then remembered that there wasn't a nuclear ray gun to remember, and we went back to posing for pictures.

Soft smiles for a warmup.

I'd like to point out a distinct difference in smiles. These are picture smiles. The cheeks curl up and there is a healthy balance of upper teeth and lower lips. These smiles are endurance smiles -- they can be held for a plurality of moments while cameras focus or awards besought. They are both extensible and intrinsically repeatable.

Now, add an impulsive cross-glance for everyone to make intriguing conversation faces. In effect, roll the dice.

What you end up with are laughing smiles. Everyone is short on breath fighting irregular guffaws and condensed cheeks. Lips erode to form sediment beds of teeth. These are smiles of how we laugh. These smiles sprint and do hurt for duration. When the moment passes, so do the faces.

Sibling rivalry requires a very close relationship between members. Every "uh huh" must be aptly shadowed by mildly superior "nuh uh". Every tattle must not only report the event, but provoke the subject with gonzo reporting. Every backseat must be unequally partitioned into "my" sides with rigid border patrols. The "not touching you" game can only with delicate precision of all parties. We were that close: our hands in and still not touching.

April was never really comfortable shaking hands to say hello. A shake seems so distant, particularly when you really want to touch someone's mind. She preferred a more direct approach. She then continued to suck out all of Candice's brains. April likes brains.

Candice isn't the older sister for nothing. She let April suck out the honey pot brains she normally reserved to burn during pub crawls or head-on collisions. Candice kept her top-shelf brains on reserve where April would never find them. Smart thinking.

Two glowing sisters meet in the park.

Can you believe it? Me neither.

The deal has been made. There is no way it can be unmade. Her people will call her people.

April followed the hush as winds fell with her on one knee. She took Candice's hand and professed her love. Her love, that is, for Candice's new boots that April wanted to borrow Friday night to go dancing. Flattery will get you far with sibling wardrobes. If not, just take and deny.

Look at us in our good posture. I really should wear longer dark socks next time.

Can you imagine walking along the park to be met with such hospitable faces? We're happy to see you.

Seeing into the sun, again, is a whole other dish of expression served face-down.

We each took turns supporting April as she went for the longest smile world record. We sat there for two days until she sneezed.

The latest technique in amateur ventriloquism: smiling without moving your lips.

One of these things is not like the others...

We threw April into traffic after we ripped off her wallet.

Oddly enough, for being a busy street, there were no cars. We couldn't wait any longer for real traffic to smash her so April had to play dead. We then dusted her off and gave her back her wallet.

Candice tries to traverse wet mulch while wearing sharp heels. Just imagine walking on water -- and then add heels.

She made it!

Hi April. Hi Candice. Nice picture.

April had a wardrobe malfunction. Her nose would've fallen off if it wasn't for Candice to hold it up.

April -- gifted.

Candice for treasurer. Just give her your money now.

I can never find my pockets when I need them.

Just little ol' me.

Candice and her crowd-pleasing clam pearl pose.

We didn't have 21-guns for a solute. Instead, April used an anti-aircraft retainer and I finger ray guns in elevated akimbo. Take that.

We won he battle. Happy for us.

Has anyone seen Candice? Please don't tell me she ran off to smell scarves again.

Good thing we took a picture so it would last longer -- our retinae couldn't handle the sun anymore.

One of our favorite games growing up was smoosh April in the middle. Well, at least there were always 2/3 votes in favor of playing.

Sibling rivalry is all about swooning the youngest to be on your side. April and I turned on Candice.

It didn't take much though for Candice to turn April on me. At this point, I was outnumbered with no alibi.

This was their idea.

April really did pick the right colors for the this photo shoot. Next year, we're putting her in charge of wardrobe.

With an airy grace akin to Mary Poppins, April floats across the ground without an umbrella. It must be her meticulously crafted diet.

Candice walks the tightrope during an earthquake.

Soon, she'll be able to counsel all of your problems away. For now, you can practice unraveling all varieties of internal turmoil by speaking directly into the photograph. She's very trusting and listening earnestly.

Puppy dog eyes. Puppy dog eyes.

Thinking carefully about my next move.

...oh no. Thinking too hard. Ice cream headache. Comatose attack. Abort. Abort!

Cheeks so cute you can pinch them. Just don't bruise the fruit.

I have never provoked anyone.

Candice figured out how to put a normal smile on my face. It just takes some subtle coaching and reverse psychology. Of course, by reverse psychology we mean face lifting all other possible expression out like wrinkles from an iron.

OK! OK! Serenity now! I'll be a good smiler, I promise.

Tee hee. I can't smile if I don't have any lips! Too bad I hadn't predicted that the most logical exit strategy from this pose would incur removing the tape from lips...

We are so innocent. Faces like these get extra dessert with no vegetables.

Simply adorable. Can't wait for more pictures next year... this is my favorite part of coming home for Christmas.

back.